Self-esteem is how we feel about ourselves. When we have high self-esteem, we feel proud of our accomplishments and who we are. When we have low self-esteem, we can feel ashamed and think negatively about ourselves. A building block of self-esteem is our self-image, or how we see ourselves. Self-image is shaped by how we think others see us and our past experiences. Over time, we begin to act the way we perceive our self-image. If we have a positive self-image, we behave positively; if we have a negative self-image, we’re more likely to engage in harmful or risky behaviors.

We can help kids build high self-esteem and a positive self-image so that they are less likely to engage in risky behavior and more likely to reinforce a positive self-image.

Some activities to improve self-esteem include pausing to take stock, set goals, and track progress.

When we take stock of our strengths and growth opportunities, we can recognize our past accomplishments and look for ways to overcome challenges. Help the kids in your life take stock:

• Ask them to list 3-5 of their strengths. For each strength, have them identify ways they built that strength. If they’re a great swimmer, how did they become great? Did they practice often? Did they surround themselves with other great swimmers? Identifying strategies that contributed to these strengths will help them feel accomplished and provide tools for them to improve in other areas.
• Have them list 3-5 growth opportunities. For each growth opportunity, work with them to identify ways they can improve previous outcomes. What could they do differently if they get low grades on math tests? Is tutoring available? Can they ask their math teacher for help? Use strategies from the strengths section because they are already familiar with those strategies and recognize that those strategies work.
• Prompt them to identify 5 things to change. They should rate their motivation to make each change as high, average, or low. For any “low” changes, ask the child why they think their motivation is low. To help them increase their motivation, work with them to identify how that change will improve their growth opportunities.

Setting Goals give us a sense of purpose, and when we achieve them, we feel proud and accomplished. One way to build self-esteem is to set realistic goals. Help the kids in your life set goals by:

• Choose a few short-term goals which can be achieved in the next day or week. Short-term goals may be to study for half an hour each day, learn to jump rope, practice a new hobby, or something similar.
• They should then choose a few long-term goals which can be achieved in months or years. Long-term goals may be getting a scholarship, making the basketball team, receiving an award, or becoming a good baker. If your child is older, set the long-term goals first, then use short-term goals to help them achieve the longer-term ones! When possible, encourage the child to set goals to improve the growth opportunities they identified above.
• Ensure their goals are realistic. If a child sets unrealistic goals and doesn’t achieve them, this might confirm or start to build a negative self-image. For example, a child might not be able to get straight As if they’re failing halfway through the semester, but they can get Bs and Cs on upcoming assignments to get a C+ in the class. As your child works toward these goals, praise and reward their hard work, even if they don’t achieve each goal. Praising hard work, rather than just accomplishments, encourages hard work in the future and keeps them from being discouraged if they don’t hit the mark on the first try.
• For older kids, make sure the goal is measurable. If they want to run a mile, they may aim to do so in less than 11 minutes. If they want good grades, they may aim for four Bs and two As. Whatever their goals are, making them measurable can help them gauge their success.

Tracking progress helps us visualize our goals. They can help us feel accomplished and redirect our efforts if we’re not achieving the progress we want. Help the kids in your life track progress:

• Have them write out 3 important (main) goals they want to achieve.
• For each main goal, have them create 5-10 sub-goals. On the left of the sub-goal, have the child list a date by which they want to achieve that sub-goal.
• For each sub-goal, have them create a checkbox. When they’ve achieved a sub-goal, they should mark the checkbox as complete!
• Celebrate their progress with them. Even if they don’t achieve a goal by the date they set, celebrate their effort.

Talking Points to Build Self-Esteem

• When the kids in your life accomplish something, say, “You should be proud of yourself!” Our instinct is to say that we are proud of them – this is important, but we should also remind them to be proud of themselves, too. Building internal validation for hard work is a life skill that will benefit them throughout their life, not just seeking external validation.
• Reframe their mindset. It isn't a failure if they don’t achieve a goal or sub-goal; it’s a learning opportunity. Additionally, praise their hard work while working toward a goal, even if they don’t achieve it. By celebrating hard work in addition to achievements, we foster a drive to keep working hard and remain resilient in the face of growth opportunities.
• Encourage them to imagine themselves achieving their goals. What might they feel like once they get an A in class? How will they celebrate when they place at a track meet? Using their imagination for this purpose can be encouraging and motivating.

Stress is a natural part of our day-to-day lives. At different stages of life, our sources of stress change. When kids and teens experience high levels of stress without having positive ways to manage it, they are more likely to engage in risky behaviors and seek unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as vaping or drinking alcohol.

The great thing is that there are ways to reduce stress in our lives, and coping skills to handle stress we can’t eliminate!

Below are some activities to reduce and manage stress, focused on time management, organization, and focused on studying and test-taking.

When kids and teens can manage their time effectively, they are less stressed about completing tasks on time. To help the kids in your life manage their time better:

• Create a weekly calendar with them, broken down by each weekday. Have them write out what assignments they need to work on each day, what clubs or activities they might have, and other obligations.
• For older kids and teens who have multiple assignments due on different days, ask them if they can work on assignments earlier in the week. For example, if they know three assignments are due on Thursday, but only one is due on Wednesday, could they work on one of the Thursday assignments a day early?
• For older kids and teens involved in many activities, clubs, and sports, ask them how they’re handling these activities. Students involved in many extracurriculars often feel stress and anxiety from having so much going on all the time. If your kid is feeling that way, it may be time for them to reevaluate all of their involvement. If a club or sport is no longer bringing them joy or serving a meaningful purpose, and they’re involved in many other activities, removing themselves from one activity could do them well in the long run!

A source of stress for many kids, teens (and adults!) is disorganization. They may leave their backpack at home, forget to turn in an assignment, or miss an important event because they fail to give you the permission slip. To help the youth in your life get organized:

• Have them pick a series of tasks that they do routinely. This might be a before-school or after-school routine, a homework routine, or something else.
• Have them list each task for that routine. Once they’ve listed them, ask what items are needed to complete each task.
• Talk with them to establish ways to make the tasks easier. For example, if they need to do homework but their room is messy, would they have an easier time completing assignments if the clutter is put away? 

Studying and taking tests can be the most stressful aspect of school. Help the youth in your life study and take tests with less anxiety by finding a formal way to study. Many of us adults never learned a formal way to study, but if we can help students study better, they’ll feel more prepared, learn the content better, and maybe even do better on exams!

1. Assemble all of their materials, including books and notes.
2. Eliminate distractions to get the space setup for concentration. For many, this means that the TV and radio should be off, and the door should be closed. For those who need a low level of noise in the background to focus, help them pick out some white noise or music that will help them focus. If they’re taking more exams, now may be the time to invest in a desk if they don’t have one.
3. Study one subject at a time and prioritize the ones they’re struggling with. If they excel in English, a quick review of vocab words is excellent to have more time to study math.
4. Take new notes. Many kids and teens think they only need to take notes when the teacher is talking in class, but they will find unique pieces of important information as they review their notes and textbook. They should write these down to help them remember!
5. Repeat important points using flashcards, Quizlet, or other tools.

Talking Points about Stress

• Stress is our body’s natural response to changes and demands placed on it. Stressors are the changes and demands that cause these stress responses. Some stress is good – this is eustress. Some stress is negative – this is distress.
• Eustress is normal and necessary. It prompts us into action. It’s ok to feel nervous or a little bit anxious before a big event or test. But too much distress can be bad for us. When we’re distressed, our heart races, our palms sweat, we might even feel sick to our stomach or dizzy.
• Encourage them by reminding them that we can manage our stress. Learning to manage our time, organize our work, and practice skills that make things easier can help reduce our stress.
• Remind them that if they’re feeling a lot of distress all the time (which can indicate a bigger mental health problem, such as anxiety), they can always ask you, their teacher, or their school counselor for help. 

Anxiety is a normal emotion we experience, but its physical symptoms can be very uncomfortable. Because of that discomfort, kids and teens (and adults, too!) often try to avoid situations they know will cause anxiety, such as public speaking, introducing themselves to new people, or being in new situations. 

Instead of avoiding these common situations that can cause anxiety, a better approach is learning to recognize the symptoms and practice strategies to decrease those symptoms.

Below are some activities to recognize, plan ahead, and cope with anxiety. 

The first step in coping with anxiety is to recognize and name when we feel anxious:

• Ask what physical symptoms are felt when nervous. These may include rapid heartbeat, shaky voice, muscle tension, sweaty hands, butterflies in the stomach, dry mouth, and difficulty concentrating
• Ask to identify a few examples of when these symptoms of nervousness are felt
• Provide the following list of situations, especially if it’s challenging to come up with their own. Ask them if they have high anxiety, average anxiety, or low anxiety for each activity.
  • taking a test
  • giving a report/presentation to the class
  • meeting new people
  • asking someone out on a date
  • saying “no” when someone offers beer or other alcohol
  • competing in sports
  • singing or playing an instrument in a concert or in front of others
  • making an important decision
  • telling someone they gave you the wrong change
  • saying “no” when someone offers a vape or cigarette
• For any high anxiety situations, ask them if they can identify why they feel anxiety - What are they worried will happen? What is their thought process in that situation?

When we recognize the different ways we might be handling anxiety, we can start to replace those habits with better coping skills. Help the youth in your life identify how they currently handle anxiety:

• Ask them how they personally deal with anxiety-causing situations.
• Ask how they think their family and friends handle anxiety.
• Some common answers may be: eating, smoking, drinking, listening to music, deep breathing, exercising, meditating, talking to a trusted friend or adult. Help them identify which of these coping skills are healthy and which are unhealthy.

When youth have healthy coping mechanisms for anxiety, they have protective factors against its negative effects. Below are some great (healthy!) ways to tackle anxiety:

1. Deep breathing takes just a few minutes and can be completed anywhere, anytime. Teach yourself and the youth in your life this simple breathing exercise: Breathe in deeply for a count of 4, hold the breath for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4. Encourage them to use this breathing exercise whenever they are feeling very stressed or anxious, especially before entering a situation they know will cause anxiety. 
2. Progressive muscle relaxation takes approximately 10 minutes. We can’t be tensed and relaxed at the same time. When we tense a group of muscles and then relax them, our brain starts to recognize that we are actually relaxed. This physical relaxation helps our brain relax, too! Teach them progressive muscle relaxation in a low-stress environment (so it’s a ready to go skill when stressed!): Ideally in a relaxed and safe space (such as a dark room, or lie down on their bed). Tell them to close their eyes. Starting at the toes, tense the muscles. Hold the tension for about 5 seconds, then quickly relax the muscles there. Move up and tense the muscles in the lower leg for 5 seconds, then quickly relax those muscles. Continue doing this tensing and relaxing practice with each major muscle group, with the thighs, lower abdomen, upper abdomen, chest, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, and face. As they do this, encourage them to visualize themselves in a quiet, peaceful place. After completing the tensing and relaxing, have them imagine themselves back in the room, but with this same feeling of relaxation.
3. Mental rehearsal is a way to prepare for the situations we know cause anxiety. Imagining ourselves in an important situation (that often causes anxiety), but feeling completely relaxed. Have them mentally practice what they will say and do and how they will deal with the potential outcomes. They should do this over and over until they feel more confident and less anxious about the situation!

Talking Points about Anxiety

• Remind them that anxiety is a normal feeling to have, and that many people experience anxiety in many different situations.
• Encourage them to identify the feelings associated with anxiety and recognize the coping skills they currently use. If the skills are healthy, such as exercising or meditating, encourage them to keep using those skills! If they’re unhealthy, help the youth identify replacement skills that are healthy
• Remind them that they can always learn and practice new, healthy coping skills, such as progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, or mental rehearsal. Encourage them to practice these skills when they’re already relaxed, so that when they’re anxious, they already have the skills ready to go.

Many kids and teens can struggle with social interactions. Struggling with social interactions may mean having social anxiety for some, while for others it means escalating issues into full-fledged conflicts. Social skills are our ability to interact with others in friendly, productive ways, including getting along with others and resolving conflicts.

Once kids and teens have practiced communication skills, they can use those strategies to develop their social skills.

Below is a structured activity to help your youth build social skills. 

Start with sharing the following scenario: A girl at school gets teased by the same group of boys every day when she passes them in the hall. She doesn’t like that they do this and doesn’t know how to react.

Then, ask the them a few things they might do and jot them down.

After this, explain that there are three types of conflict styles: avoidance, confrontation, and problem-solving.

• Avoidance is not dealing with a disagreement by pretending it doesn’t exist.
• Confrontation is attacking the person you’re in conflict with by yelling or physically pushing or hitting them.
• Problem-solving is working together to find a compromise and solution.

Ask them to provide an example of each. These can be made up examples or real examples from their life. Using this information, have them identify what conflict style each of their solutions were for the scenario.

You can continue to explain that there are three outcomes to conflicts: win-win, win-lose, and lose-lose. Clarify that confrontation usually leads to lose-lose, avoidance and confrontation can lead to win-lose, and problem-solving usually leads to win-win!

Conflict Resolution is deciding how to solve an argument or disagreement. Here's an exercise to work through conflict resolution in a non-conflict setting or point in time!

• Read off the following behaviors, as you read each word, have them identify the conflict style (avoidance, confrontation, or problem-solving). The behaviors: criticizing, postponing, interrupting, stereotyping, stating wants, stating feelings, listening, giving reasons, yelling, insulting, restating, being sarcastic, being defensive, denying, informing, apologizing.
• Ask them which of the behaviors they use most in conflict. Why do they use those behaviors? In general, which of the conflict styles do those behaviors indicate?
• Ask them which conflict style is best in most cases (problem-solving). If they suggest avoidance or confrontation, explain that problem-solving is often the best conflict style because it solves a problem without force or bullying.
• However, it's not always the best! Ask them when avoidance might be the best style (ex.: when someone is using drugs or drinking), and when confrontation might be more appropriate (ex.: when someone has a weapon and they need to defend themselves).
• End the activity by emphasizing that problem-solving is usually the go-to conflict style, but there may be times and situations when confrontation or avoidance are necessary.

Many kids and teens are shy, which can make it difficult for them to introduce themselves to others, make friends, or ask for help or directions. To help the youth in your life overcome shyness:

• Ask them if they feel uncomfortable in social situations. If they say yes, ask why they do. If they say no, ask if any of their friends do and why they think they do.
• Explain the following strategies to help overcome shyness. The first is to learn to act. Tell the child that they can pretend they’re a performer or actor in a play or movie. For shy folks, it’s easier to pretend they are someone playing a part rather than being themselves. Tell the child that as they do this more, it will become so comfortable that they won’t even need to “act” anymore!
• Ask the child to provide a few situations where they feel nervous or shy. They may say they’re nervous introducing themselves, asking for help in a store, calling a business for their hours, etc. Help the child write a script for each situation.  The script should include what they want to say, how they want to say it, and what they want to do in each situation.

Talking Points about Anxiety

• Remind the child to be persistent in their practice of social skills. Like every skill they learn, skills require practice and time to improve.
• Encourage them to give compliments to others, and give them genuine compliments, too. This will help them get more comfortable accepting compliments from other people!
• When presented with social opportunities, support the child in whatever ways you can. Social activities help build children’s confidence and sense of self. When possible, offer to give them a ride or help fund the social activities.

We communicate through our words, how we say them, expressions we make, and more. Communication skills impact every interaction kids and teens have, whether those interactions are with parents, teachers, or peers.

When we can communicate clearly and effectively, we can make friends more easily, ask for help when they need it, and perform better in school and social activities.

Body language is the non-verbal way we communicate. Help the kid in your life recognize body language:

• Explain that verbal communication is what we say and how we say it. Explain that nonverbal communication is body language, including facial expressions, mannerisms, positions, and hand gestures. 60-65% of communication is done nonverbally. 
• Have them go through a magazine and select 5-10 different people. Ask them to write down what nonverbal communication they’re using. Are they waving their hands, smiling, frowning, or sitting away from others?
• Once the child has identified different nonverbal communication, ask what emotions each person is expressing. Point out that even without reading what the people are saying or doing, the child understands what they’re feeling through nonverbal communication.

Asking questions can improve our understanding of what others mean. Help the youth in your life ask better questions:

• Draw a geometric pattern or design – but don't show it to them yet!
• Describe the design to them and have them draw it based on your description. Compare the two drawings. Usually, they will be drastically different.
• Do this same activity again, but give them encouragement to ask questions. When you compare both drawings, they should be much more similar this time around. Explain to them that asking questions helps us understand what others around us mean, which can help us avoid misunderstandings. 

Misunderstandings can be a cause of conflict and a source of stress for all involved. Help the youth in your life avoid misunderstandings:

• Ask what is meant by “misunderstanding.” Explain that it’s a failure in communication when the receiver understands the message differently than the sender/speaker intended.
• Have them identify a recent misunderstanding. They should describe it briefly and who it occurred with.
• Have them identify why the misunderstanding occurred. How did the other person feel? How did they feel?
• Have them identify how the misunderstanding could’ve been avoided.
• Talk with them about skills to avoid misunderstandings. They should be specific, such as providing an actual time and date rather than saying “late.” They should ask questions to make sure they really understand the message. Older kids and teens should paraphrase, or restate what they think the message is in their own words.

Talking Points about Communication Skills

• Effective communication happens when the sender and receiver of a message share the same understanding of it.
• We can clear up unclear messages by asking questions, being specific, and paraphrasing.
• Effective communication is essential to ask for help, make friends, share stories, and more.

Assertiveness is our ability to confidently state our position. In a way, it’s our ability to stand up for ourselves and what we believe in. Being assertive is different from being aggressive; aggression is acting in a hostile or forceful way that might hurt someone. It is also different from being passive, which is accepting something without objecting or resisting it, even if you feel strongly about it.

When kids and teens are assertive, they can confidently say no to drugs, tobacco, alcohol, and risky behaviors.

It can be easy to be assertive and stand our ground in everyday situations. But in difficult situations, such as turning down drugs or alcohol from a popular student or telling a close friend that they’ve upset you, it can be much harder to be assertive. Help the youth in your life be assertive in difficult situations:

• Have them write down a difficult situation they’ve experienced.
• Have them describe the reasons why this situation was difficult. Were they worried about upsetting someone? Were they worried about popularity?
• Have them describe how they handled the situation, and then how they would handle it in a more assertive way.

Being assertive can be intimidating for kids and teens who’ve been more passive or aggressive in the past. But assertive “no” statements have a simple structure. Help the kids in your life become more assertive by practicing assertive statements:

• Explain the structure of an assertive “no” statement to them: state their position, state their reason, and are understanding to the others point of view. 
• Present them with different situations where they should say no – this may be a friend offering them drugs, a peer driving them after drinking, a friend asking them to skip class, etc.
• Have them practice responding to each situation with the structure above.
  • When stating the position, they should practice saying how they feel about the situation and give an answer to the request, and speaking with a strong, confident tone.
  • Their reason may be that they need to get a good grade in class for an award, they don’t feel safe doing the activity, etc.
  • And to demonstrate that they’re understanding, they may say that they know their peer is capable of making their own decisions, or they know that the person respects the their right to say no.  

Being assertive happens through the words we say and how we say them. It also happens through our nonverbal communication. Help the kids in your life build their nonverbal assertive communication skills:

• Looking directly into the eyes of the person they're speaking with will help with their assertive message. Have them practice this by saying no to you, using a “no” statement from above, while making eye contact.
• Facial expressions should match the things they're saying. For example, if they’re saying no, their expression should be somber and not excited, nervous, or scared. Have them practice this skill.
• Explain that body position and posture should be strong and firm, so they should stand up straight and tall.

Being assertive requires refusal techniques; strategies to strongly and confidently say no. Help the youth in your life practice their refusal techniques. We've provided some techniques below to use as examples. Ask the youth in your life when they might use it, as each technique has a different purpose and situation where it might make sense!

• The first technique is simply saying "no" (simple, right?!)
• Provide a reason, such as, “No thanks, I don’t vape.”
• They can give an excuse. “No thanks, I’m in a hurry and need to go.”
• Stalling by saying, “No thanks, maybe later.”
• Change the conversation: “No thanks. Did you see the game last night?”
• Saying no on repeat if they’re being asked repeatedly: “No.” “No thanks.” “No, I’m not interested.”
• Walk away, ignore the other person, or avoid the situation entirely.

After explaining each technique and waiting for them to provide examples of when they’d use them, provide other situations and ask what technique they’d use and why. Let this become a conversation about how different people and situations will require different techniques, and they may even need to use multiple to get their message across. Additionally, ask them what body language they’ll use as they practice these techniques! 

Talking Points about Being Assertive

• Remind them that there are many benefits to being assertive, including: increased likelihood of getting what you want out of life, personal satisfaction, increased sense of personal honesty and integrity, ability to exercise your own rights and not be taken advantage of, and respect and admiration from other people - and in themselves!
• Remind them that while being assertive is usually the best practice, there are instants when being passive or aggressive are necessary, such as in dangerous situations that jeopardize their rights. 

We see advertisements every day, on billboards, radio spots (like this one!), tv commercials, social media, and more! While we may not realize it, these ads influence popular culture and decisions we make.

Science shows that youth often engage in risky behavior, such as vaping or drinking alcohol, when they don’t understand the long-term consequences. And advertisements do their best to make products with long-term consequences seem safe, fun, and cool. In addition to teaching youth decision-making skills, we need to teach them the deceptive marketing techniques that advertisements use. No one, especially kids and teens, wants to be tricked into doing something!

When kids and teens understand that they are consumers and advertisers want them to purchase their products – no matter the side effects or impacts of using them – they’re able to overcome the influence of advertising. Help the kids in your life understand advertising:

• Ask them what a consumer is.
  • If they aren’t sure, tell them it’s someone who purchases (or consumes) goods and services. Then, ask them if they’re ever bought (or had you buy for them!) a snack, clothing item, book, or other product. Explain that this makes them a consumer!
• Ask them what advertisements are.
  • If they aren’t sure, tell them that ads are strategies to get people to purchase items that are for sale. Explain that advertisers want to sell them products no matter what! 
• Ask them where they see advertisements. Ads can be on the radio, commercials, TV shows and movies, social media, search engines, and more.

When kids recognize different advertising techniques, they can make better decisions without being as influenced by marketing. If you don't know the various advertising techniques, you can learn them together: 

• See if they can tell you about three ads they’ve seen that day.
  • What stands out about those ads?
  • Was a celebrity in them?
  • Did the ads make it seem like everyone is using the product?
• There are different techniques advertisers use; which of these appeared in the ads they saw? If they haven’t seen an ad with this technique, help them know what to look for in the coming days!
  • Celebrity endorsements occur when famous or well-known people support a product.
  • Bandwagon appeals make it seem like everyone is using a certain product, so the viewer should, too.
  • Sex appeals use attractive people to imply the product increases viewers’ attractiveness.
  • Voice of authority ads use “experts” (doctors, scientists, etc.) to convince viewers that the product is exceptional – but these experts are usually just actors, or may be real experts who were paid to have a good opinion of the product.
  • There are many more strategies, but these are very common.
• Ask them what makes them trust an ad. Explain that many ads use actors as experts, pay people to endorse the products, and only show the product under the best conditions. To know that a product is really safe, effective, or good, they have to do their own research and look at third-party sources, or even ask you!

For older kids and teens, they can practice analyzing ads. Find two ads for tobacco products and alcohol. Then, help them analyze ads:

• Name the product and describe the ad.
• Define the target market: males, females, adults, teens, children, other.
• What was actually said in the ad?
• What was implied? Implied messages come from actors’ expressions, the general mood and atmosphere of the ad, etc.
• Which of the above advertising techniques were used?

Explain the facts about vaping and drinking to your child. Don’t make it seem scary or fatal; when kids hear that tobacco, drugs, and alcohol kill people, but they see people around them doing those things without dying or getting very sick, they feel like they’ve been lied to. Instead, explain that not everyone vapes or drinks, even if the ads make it seem like that. In fact, we know (with local data!) that most Johnson County youth are making healthy decisions to stay away from substances! Vaping and drinking can cause physical and mental side effects, including worsening skin, poor sleep quality, decreased sports performance, and more.

Talking Points about Advertising

• Remind them that the purpose of advertisements is to sell products. These ads often don’t tell the truth or show the whole picture of the products they sell.
• Remember that ads for vaping and alcohol products try to create the impression that they improve lives – but this isn’t the case! Marketers for these products are trying to trick individuals into thinking these are common, healthy, and fun things to do. They trick us into vaping by using fruit and candy flavors, bright colors, and cool technology – which are directly aimed at them!
• Advertisers can and will manipulate viewers to sell a product, no matter what the side effects of those products are.
• Remind them that the appeals and marketing techniques are deceptions, not truth. 

For more tips on discussing substance use and prevention with children and teens, check out our additional resources.

We all make decisions every day. And while a youth's decision may look different than adults, they’re still deciding whether or not to do their homework, who to sit with at lunch, what to wear to school, the list goes on and on!

At some point, youth are confronted with the decision to try tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Many factors influence their decisions, including their peers, what they see in the media, and what they hear (and see!) from the adults in their lives. Youth may act impulsively and don’t always consider the long-term consequences of their actions – and it’s not just “kids being kids”! We know our brains (including the parts that make decisions!) are continuously developing until our mid to late 20s!

As our brains grow and change, it’s important that we’re building our decision-making skills now, to help them make better decisions in the future.

Youth make decisions every day. Some are simple choices, such as what snack to eat, while others are major decisions with long-term consequences. When youth understand what influences their decisions, they can modify their behaviors to make better decisions. Help the youth in your life make better everyday decisions with this quick exercise (you’ll need a sheet of paper!):

• 
  
  • Turn it landscape (hotdog style!), and on the left side, have them list 3-5 decisions they regularly make at home, at school, and with friends.
  • Create 5 columns of influences along the top of the page: on my own, friends, teachers, parents, and media.
  • Have them mark which influences affect each of the decisions they listed.
  • Remind them that we make decisions every day. Simple choices are usually made independently, but those around us influence bigger decisions. These more significant decisions require more thought and time. Remind them that the influences impacting their decisions don’t have to live with the consequences (usually). For example, if their friends encourage them to skip class, it’s their grade which is affected – the friends’ grades might be, too, but that’s their own decision to make.

Botvin’s LifeSkills Training teaches the Stop-Think-Go method to help youth consider the consequences of their decisions before they make them. When they take a minute to stop, think, and then go, they’re more likely to make better decisions with the future in mind. Help the youth in your life make better decisions:

• 
  
  • Stop. Have them identify a situation with a decision to make. This may be as simple as who to sit with at lunch or as complicated as what to do about a relationship that’s not going well.
  • Think. What are the options they have? What are the consequences of each option?
  • Go. Choose the option that is best for them and their goals.
  • Practice this with other situations! As the adult, provide different situations with increasingly high stakes, then ask the child to go through the Stop-Think-Go method for each situation.

The 3 C’s is similar to Stop-Think-Go but more detailed for older kids. The 3 C’s are to Clarify the decision, Consider all solutions and outcomes, and Choose the best solution. Help the older youth in your life make better decisions, by considering this situation and applying the 3 C’s:

• There’s an assignment due tomorrow worth half their grade in the course. They need a B on the assignment to pass the class. There’s also an important game tonight. All their friends will be there, and if they don’t go, they might miss something significant. There’s a person in class who might let them copy their work.
• Have them clarify the problem and identify what the decision is they need to make.
• Have them list 3-5 possible solutions to this scenario and a possible consequence for each solution as they consider what to do.
• It's now time to choose a decision and explain why they picked it.
• As you listen to them explain why they chose what they did, ask them questions about how that outcome might make them feel, how external influences (friends, teachers, etc.) may respond, and how they can address those responses.

Youth need to see that everyone, including the adults they trust and look up to, have to make difficult decisions. And sometimes, we make the wrong one! When we discuss this with the youth in our lives, we can help them understand that past mistakes are not failures but learning opportunities to make better decisions in the future. This can help them build a growth mindset and better prepare them for the inevitable “wrong” decisions in their future! Prepare them now to make complex decisions:

• Have them consider a time they had a difficult decision to make. What was the situation? What were their options? Which did they pick? How long did they take to consider their options?
• Discuss the outcomes of that decision. If they could do it again, would they choose differently? Why or why not?
• After hearing their decision, share your own experience making a difficult decision! What were your options? What did you choose? (It may even strengthen the exercise to talk about a time you wish you WOULD have done something differently!) If you would change anything about your decision, let them know! And if you make different decisions now based on that past situation’s outcome, share that. When youth hear that adults struggle with difficult decisions, they feel less alone when it comes time to make them. They may even turn to you for advice when a difficult decision comes up in the future.

Talking Points about Decision Making

• Remind them that we all make decisions every day, and some of them are bigger than others. For these major decisions, we have to consider the immediate and future consequences!
• Pressure from the groups we belong to can influence our decisions – whether we realize it or not! We don’t want to be outsiders or unpopular with the people who matter to us. Remind them that they are the one who will live with the consequences of their decisions, not the group. And if the group is pressuring them to do something wrong, that might not be a group they want to belong to if we’re surrounding ourselves with friends who are encouraging us to live our best lives!