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Talk to your child
It’s important to start the conversation early and continue to develop it as your children grow up.
By talking often, your child is more likely to:
Tips for Talking to a Toddler
- Always be open and honest, and reassure your child that you love them, even if you’re having a difficult conversation
- Talk to your child about being careful about what you put in your body
- Explain why you make healthy decisions and the benefits it can have for your body, like drinking water and exercising during play time
- Point out the things in your home and surrounding environments that could be toxic if swallowed, like household cleaners
- Tell your child to ask before they eat or drink something new, and never take food or drinks from strangers
- Celebrate when your child makes good decisions! And give them small decisions to make as much as possible, like picking out their own clothes
Scenario #1
A child sees a trusted adult smoking and becomes confused because you’ve talked about how smoking is dangerous.
What to say, Scenario #1
Sometimes grownups make choices that aren’t very good for their bodies. When you smoke a cigarette, your body thinks it needs smoking to feel good even though it doesn’t. That makes it hard for him/her to stop.
Scenario #2
Your child sees Grandma or Grandpa taking medication and wants to know why s/he doesn’t take that medicine, too.
What to say, Scenario #2
The doctor gave that medicine to Grandma because her body needs help to work like it used to. It’s safe for Grandma to take the medicine because the doctor knows how to help Grandma. It’s dangerous for you because you don’t have that problem - your body is working just perfect, so you don’t need medicine right now like Grandma does.
Scenario #3
You’re at a family event and an adult relative has had too much alcohol to drink and is acting out. Your child wonders why he/she is acting that way.
What to say, Scenario #3
Uncle Joe had too much alcohol to drink today, so he’s acting silly. Adults are allowed to have alcohol, but too much can make you do things you wouldn’t normally do, and make bad decisions.
How to Normalize Talking Openly
- Use play time to talk about important topics, like making good decisions
- Be honest, but age appropriate. Use examples from activities, TV shows, and movies your child likes to help them fully understand what you’re saying
- Encourage your child to ask questions, even if they think you might not like what they’re asking. It’s better for them to talk to you about it than someone with incorrect information
Tips for Talking to Elementary Age Children
- Elementary school aged children still want to please you, but they’re also beginning to learn who they are, so it’s important to be honest, but also loving and accepting.
- Talk to your children about the substance and drug-related content they see on TV and movies and ask them how they feel about what they’ve heard.
- Begin to talk about smoking and vaping. Tell your child that you disapprove of both of these behaviors and why.
- Show that you’re paying attention to what your children are doing and that you care about their health & success.
- Create clear rules and expectations, and explain why they’re important to follow.
Scenario #1
You’re watching a movie or TV show and one of the characters smokes cigarettes.
What to say, Scenario #1
When the character is smoking, he might think he looks “cool” but he’s really making a bad choice for his body. He could get addicted to nicotine/cigarettes, which means his body thinks it needs them, even though they hurt him.
Scenario #2
Your child dresses herself for school in all of her favorite clothes, but none of them match.
What to say, Scenario #2
I love that your clothes make you feel good about yourself! They’re just right for you.
Scenario #3
Your child is spending the night at a friend’s house and sees an older sibling drinking a beer. He doesn’t know what to do because he knows alcohol is only for adults.
What to say, Scenario #3
Alcohol is only for adults, and you did a good thing letting me know what you saw. Sometimes young people make bad decisions or do things they shouldn’t. That doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but they did make a bad choice.
How to Normalize Talking Openly
- Have conversations in the car to and from school, when it feels less like a “talking to”
- Ask your children questions about what they’ve seen about drugs and alcohol so that you become a trusted person to come to if they see or hear something they don’t understand or feel comfortable with
- Talk to your children about what they do in peer pressure situations - you can even have them practice what they’re going to say
- Share information that you know about drugs and alcohol with your child not as a scare tactic, but as a way to provide information so they know they can trust you about these topics
Tips for Talking to Middle Schoolers
- Middle school is one of the most angsty times of a child’s life - they’re beginning to hit puberty and their social life takes on a whole new meaning. When you talk to your child, be open and emphasize that you’re listening and that you care about what they’re thinking and doing.
- Children this age are often still willing to talk to parents about vulnerable or touchy subjects, so take time to have conversations with them about what’s going on in their world and how they feel.
- Be aware of and familiar with your child’s friends and who they spend time with - friends’ opinions hold a lot of weight in decision-making during this time
- Make sure your kids know that you’re there to talk about anything, including drugs and alcohol if/when they come across it, and that they can use you as an excuse if they’re ever in an uncomfortable situation
- Set rules and make sure your child knows that you will enforce them
Scenario #1
Your child sees a friend with an e-cigarette and doesn’t know how to respond.
What to say, Scenario #1
Cigarettes, even e-cigarettes, are bad for your body. Your friend isn’t making a good choice, and you were right to tell me what’s going on. If s/he asks you to try it, tell them no. If they ask why, you can say “My parents won’t let me smoke.”
Scenario #2
Your child sees a news story that their favorite athlete was caught using steroids.
What to say, Scenario #2
So you heard about [athlete’s name] taking steroids, huh? How do you feel about it? Sometimes being famous and being in the spotlight can cause people to make bad decisions - decisions they wouldn’t necessarily have always made. Like the athlete taking drugs to improve his/her performance.
Scenario #3
Your child sees an ad for diet pills while she’s on social media and wonders if she “needs” them.
What to say, Scenario #3
Your body is still growing and developing. You don’t need to worry about dieting and losing weight. Let’s talk about some healthy choices we can make as a family so that you feel comfortable in your own body and you know how to take care of it.
How to Normalize Talking Openly
- Use the time in between activities and before/after school to have some of these more delicate conversations
- Be honest and open when you talk with your child - show them that you remember what it’s like when you were their age
- Ask casual questions about what your child is interested in and what they want to do - and their friends; asking many very specific almost interview type questions won’t encourage your child to open up to you, but talking to them as a regular person is likely to be more effective and show you care
Tips for Talking to High Schoolers
- Chances are, your child probably knows someone or has friends that use drugs or drink alcohol, which makes it very important to keep the conversation as open as possible.
- Sharing more details about the consequences of drinking and doing drugs, like jail time or serious illness, is a good way to keep your child up to date and make sure they have accurate information
- Emphasize that you disprove of underage drinking and drug use, and why - it’s not just that it’s a decision you wouldn’t make, but there are serious potential long-term consequences
- Let your child know that if they are in a situation where they’ve been drinking or they’re under the influence, they can call you and you’ll come get them no matter what time of night, no questions asked
- Be honest with your child about making good and healthy decisions - let them make choices and when they’re good, tell them they did a good job
Scenario #1
Your child is invited to a party where there won’t be parents in attendance. S/he doesn't know what to say to their friend.
What to say, Scenario #1
As the adult, I’m saying “no” to a party with lots of teenagers and no parents or adults. You can blame it on me, if you want, and tell them “My mom/dad won’t let me.”
Scenario #2
Your child’s best friend offers her a beer at a sleepover, and your child takes a sip, but says “no” to another drink. The friend becomes angry.
What to say, SCenario #2
You made a good choice not to drink during the sleepover. Even though your friend might think it’s okay to have a beer or drink underage, it’s not, and I’m proud of you for choosing to stick with your instinct. Your friend will get over your decision, and if she doesn’t, you probably want to consider if you still want to be friends with her.
Scenario #3
You learn that one of your child’s friends has a drug addiction.
What to say, Scenario #3
How’s your friend? I heard that s/he has been doing some drugs/drinking a lot of alcohol and I wanted to ask what you thought about it. How do you feel?
How to Normalize Talking Openly
- Let your child be independent and make decisions, but take time each day or week to ask how they’re doing and why they’re choosing to make those decisions
- When you watch TV shows and movies, talk about the smoking, drinking, etc. and how that affects the characters’ lives
- Do your best to be patient and talk to your children often about things unrelated to rules and consequences
Tips for Talking to Young Adults
- Don’t tell your child what to do, rather, act as a sounding board when they make their decisions
- Realize that even though your child is “grown up” and may be moving or already out of the house, they’ll still need to come to you for advice sometimes. Be open, and work to show them that you’ll listen without judgement
- Check in with your child, and be alert to any change in their mental or emotional health.
- Although it may be tempting, don’t hover over your child when they’re away from home. Give them space to make their own decisions and come to you when they need and want.
Scenario #1
Your child tells you they smoked marijuana at a party.
What to say, Scenario #1
I appreciate you telling me about your experience. Have you told anyone else or smoked since then? I’m here to talk if you need anything or want advice.
Scenario #2
Your child is moving out on their own for the first time.
What to say, Scenario #2
Even though you’re going out on your own and you’re an adult who can make their own decisions, I’ll always be here to listen and give you an honest opinion if you want - no judgement here. You can count on me, and I’ll try my very best to keep my advice to myself unless you ask.
Scenario #3
Ask your child how they’re enjoying “adult life.”
What to say, Scenario #3
How have you been lately? I love hearing about your new friends and the work that you’re doing. I’m so proud of you and the person you’re becoming.
How to Normalize Talking Openly
- Set up a schedule to check in with your child, that way you get to keep in touch but you don’t have to wonder if you’re hovering.
- Ask questions, but keep it minimal - let your child direct the conversation around their life. You’ll be surprised what they share with you that you might not have heard if you asked more questions.
- Remind your child often that you love them and you’re proud of the decisions they’re making. Supporting your child through this transition period is important to having an open, honest, and loving relationship.
Services & Presentations
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Hidden in Plain Sight
Things aren’t always what they seem.
Many common objects look “ordinary” but aren’t.
In this hands-on presentation, we discuss some of the seemingly common objects used to conceal alcohol and other drugs.
Local Trends
Wondering what’s new in Johnson County? Or need to keep up-to-date on the latest trends so you can talk to your children about them?
In this presentation, we'll discuss current drug & alcohol trends in Johnson County, what signs to look for, and what you can do to help your child make the best, informed choices for themselves.
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More Resources
Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Association (SAMHSA)
The Talk. They Hear You. Campaign aims to reduce underage drinking & substance use by providing information & resources to parents and caregivers on how to start having the conversations early in a child's life.
Ask, Listen, Learn
Ask, Listen, Learn provides facts and resources for parents and caregivers about mental health, making good decisions, how to have conversations with your children, and ideas for how to keep them safe.